Business travelers beware- Samsonite Sucks!

Business travel seems quite glamourous on the exterior. After all, who wouldn't enjoy jetting off to foreign lands, staying in posh hotels and entertaining clients at chic restaurants on the corporate account? But in reality underneath the glitzy, champagne soaked facade lies a much different world.

Waking up at ungodly hours of the morning to catch flights, breaking a heel on the mosaic-tiled sloping streets of Lisbon while on the way to a meeting, enduring endless airport taxi lines and sitting in traffic for hours : I thought I had seen it all when it came to the downside of business travel. That is, until this past Wednesday...

After arriving in Lisbon on Tuesday for a full day of meetings and a client dinner, I woke up early on Wednesday to catch a morning flight to Oporto and see a few more clients.

After my meetings and a bit of lunch, I took a taxi to the airport ready to finally go home, relax and unpack. As my belongings passed through the x-ray machine I reluctantly submitted myself to a brief frisking by a very large and stern-looking security guard, who then asked me to open my bag as they needed to check something they had seen inside. After going through my stuff and determining that I did not pose any type of national threat , I began to zip my bag shut. I managed to get 3/4 of the way around before the zipper broke off into the palm of my hand!

There I was, completely stranded in the middle of a Portuguese airport teetering around on highly impractical 4-inch heels (as usual...), and trying desperately to figure out how I would be able to lug my half-open suitcase all the way to the departure gate without leaving a trail of face creams and assorted lingerie in my wake.

Naturally, in order to think more clearly and seeing that I had a full hour to kill before boarding I headed where any other person in my dilemna would go to seek answers...the bar! I wheeled my increasingly precarious load towards the nearest concession area and drowned my sorrows in a much-needed pint of fabulous portuguese beer (Superbock- definitely recommend it!) and a bag of potato chips.

It was perfect timing actually, at that point the case had begun to open a bit more and the beer succeeded in making me a bit more nonchalant about the fact that some contents (none of which were embarassing, thank God!) were now starting to be fully visible as they edged nearer to completely spilling out of the side of my bag . I inched closer to my gate while slowly wheeling my case along in front of me so that I would see if anything did fall out, desperately praying all the while that it would at least stay closed long enough to get there. Miraculously I managed to make it to the departure gate and fell into a seat. Not only was I exhausted from the stress of having balanced the case throughout the 15 minute walk there, but also from having to deal with all of the people who felt obliged to stop me along the way just to inform me that my bag was open- as if it were perfectly normal behavior to roll a suitcase in front of you while walking at a snail's pace and staring intently at the floor to see if anything falls....!

As I sat in despair in front of the gate I had a beer-fueled MacGyver moment and actually thought I could repair the zipper myself. I must have looked like a complete idiot as i sat with my suitcase on my lap making endless futile attempts at reconnecting a broken zipper for at least 10 minutes. Like an assembly line worker intent on my task I continued to stubbornly fiddle with the zipper until I was forced to stop when I realized in horror that I had managed to break it completely, and that the suitcase was now fully open with no chance of closing on its own. Up until that moment I had probably been about 70% screwed, but now I was completely and totally doomed. How would I get it on the plane now? It was too heavy to carry, should I just attempt to wear all my clothes at once? I couldn't even go back and consult the beer oracle for advice because I couldn't move the bag anywhere without all my stuff falling out! So in one last attempt to seek counsel before accepting defeat and crumbling onto the floor in a puddle of tears, I pulled out my phone and decided to call the smartest person I know- Ade. Surely his enormous brain could come up with a way for me to get out of this predicament.
I phoned him up and proceeded to explain the entire scenario to him, listening patiently to the fit of laughter my story provoked. Finally when he was again able to speak he began to ask me questions about the content of my bag :

Ade: -ok, tosser*, let's see... do you have any rope? haha

(*british slang, basically means dumb-ass)

Me: -not funny, obviously I don't have any rope or I would have used it already!

Ade: -any long scarves?

Me: - No

Ade: -any pantyhose?

Me: - Yes, I have some on but what the hell does that have to do with...wait...I have another pair...Oh!... oh my god, you're a genius!!!

In an instant I was on my hands and knees fishing through my belongings, and almost screamed in delight as I proceeded to pull out a pair of tights and hold them over my head triumphantly to show the world what I had found...as if it were a rare truffle or a gold nugget that I had discovered instead of just some crappy black fishnets. Of course, upon learning that they were fishnets, my telephonic guru succumbed to another attack of hysterical laughter, at which point I bid him farewell and thanked him for his wise counsel- I now had work to do.

Back on my hands and knees and to the bewilderment of all in my nearby vicinity I began to tie the stockings around my suitcase like a gift in order to hold it shut. Miraculously, the tights stretched far enough to cover the case, hold it all together, and save the day just in time for me to board the plane- as I finally made my way down the ramp with my rather primitive-looking baggage in tow, I wept silent tears of gratitude for the still underappreciated, yet in my opinion unrivalled invention of all time: Lycra.

(the finished product, isn't Samsonite supposed to last longer than you do? )